Just Like My Momma Make it!

Listen to this comedian, Jo Koy ...*lol*



He is 'unbaradareavable' LMAO!!!!

Nothing but the truth

Alot of times we find ourselves stuck living in a bunch of lies that the society keep piling up. Especially if you're living amongst Asians who have so many social filtering systems that most of the stuff that we say or do tends to be less than the real thing and mostly full of tahi (shit).



Be it wether you're talking about working, relationship or social context... we have to admit that most of us out there hardly speaks the truth or say or do what we actually want to.

Like when your boss says he is going to give you a raise...

Boss: Hey Julie, if you keep it up... I'm going to give you a raise..
Julie: Really!?!?! *two hands clamp in exstacy revealin cleavage
Boss: (Ya man!... if you keep muh thing up, I'm gonna raise your super short mini skirt fer sure... *slurp*)



Yeap.. it is just dreadful when you find out that you're going to be retrench soon, your good friend is actually not and your girlfriend is actually someone elses and your wife have kids half way across the world and it is too late to cancel that share account.

But there is a solution!!! My friend (who apparently wants to use this thing on me) have told me about a 'truth serum' called Sodium Amytal that can make any person tells the truth.



Some of you out there is either gawking in fear (too much secrets -_-") or jumpin' for joy (too many unanswered questions) after hearing this rite? Also apparently, the person that is been jab by this serum will not have remember what he or she have said.

Yep... imagine if this thing is freely in the market. All of us will kena poke left and right...

Waiting for your girlfriend to arrive...

Her: Dear, I'm going to go holiday with my girlfriends this weekend ok? In Langkawi..
Him: But you just went Penang last week!?!?
Her: Ya... errr..different group mah!! I love you darlin~~
Him: *jab*
Her: I AM VERY HORNY AND YOU'RE A FKING LOSER!! I AM MEETING MY EX IN LONDON THIS WEEK SO FK YOU.

-_-"

Then... you go to your best friend to pour your sadness

Him: My girlfriend is cheating ...
Bestfriend: Oh man.. what a bitch!!! Just FK* her lahh!! So many fishes in the sea !!
Him: But I love her so much...
Bestfriend: Aiyah!! She is not say very pretty also plus so fked up!!
Him: *terjab bestfriend*
Bestfriend: DITCH HER LA SO SHE DON'T HAVE TO SO SUSAH SNEAK OUT WITH ME. DAMN, THAT BOOTY IS SO OOO O O FINE!!



-_-"

What a world we living in....*lol*

So do you love my blog or not!??!?!

Readers: YeS!!!! I love you Victor!!!
Me: *jab*
Readers: You're damn sohai lah ... stupid bastard~



cibai*

Erection day

As usual you know it is election day when everyone is either acting as if nothing is going (and hoping that the humongous pot hole outside their house will be fixed finally), millions of fliers and banners erected everywhere, or gossipin' bout politic.

Found this video on zewt's which really cracked me up.



And of coz I'm on of the blogger that haven't said something bout our 'Erection day' yet.



So ... now you know which party =) *lol* ~Tak ade tension lagi~

Actually the girls I don't mind... korek korek korek *LMAO*

(dat is not me k...dat is big eye Victor)

Drunken & Stupid

Everytime that I'm drunk, I always end up having drunk conversations on the phone or with someone. Like yesterday...

In the car.. with a female friend who I apparently thought trusted my driving which is why she rejected offers from guys who wanted to fetch her

Girl: Let me drive! You're drunk!
Me: No. Are you crazy!?
Girl: ?? No I'm not! But you look drunk!
Me: I may b drunk... but I'm not crazy too.

Sorry, I just have the worst experiences when a lady drives ..

10 minutes later in an intense conversation at a mamak store...

Girl: I realize that I'm not young anymore... I know I used to be very naughty. But you know la... girl have to keep their reputation mah. Plus I want to find a guy and get married already. Victor!! I wanna get married! *hands thumps on table* When you're more serious and change your lifestyle... you tell me k.
Me: 0_0. What is wrong with my lifestyle? Just doing what I like wat. Hehehe...yah yah... u are very naughty. Almost got me killed in the car. Take it easy on yourself lah, just do what you like. It is just that you're in an asian country so you sometimes have to restrict yourself in doing what you like cos of social boundaries.
Girl: Yalor...
Me: So, don't stop being notti ok!? *lol*

I hope I manage to convince her...*kekeke*

Plus what does she meant by me changing my lifestyle and such in order to make it to her list of potentials? Wah liao... kena bang kow kow that one...



I had a similar conversation ironically half an hour later with another girl.

Girl: You know ah... if you stop your blog. You'd get a girlfriend easily.
Me: WhAT?! What is wrong with my blog ?
Girl: It;s funny and all lah. But for those that don't know you for long... you really sound like a real bastard la.
Me: *speechless*

So I guess my statement that this blog is gonna cost me my future wife is quite true after all. -_-"

Stress, so much sacrifices to get a freakin girlfriend. I bet it is not my lifestyle, they are just saying that just so they can all run away from any intentions that I might have wanting to 'lembu' them. For that, they have ruined not only my self esteem but hurt my ego so bad that I'm contemplating finally to get plastic surgery. I reckon, I'll start with the eyes first.... big eyes equals sexy no?



Nggek ngek ngek!! Now that I'm hansem, they all going to love me *lol*

................................

Yesterday I was greeted by a very sexy girl in white at BarClub. She came up to me and asked if I'm Victor. And I curiously asked how did she know me... (maybe she is another one of those girls which I've forgotten her name when I was drunk)



But it turns out that this blog has finally led me to know one sexy female!! She could be one in a millionth hamsap lous that reads my blog! YEsH!!!

If I'm not mistaken, her name is Jamie. Damn, how could I forget my first female reader's (whom I met) name. So sorry ya babe... please comment if that isn't really your name k. Nice to have met you.



No future wife but got pretty readers oso good enuff for now lah *kkekeke*

Buffalax rules

Whatever you're doing, just watch this. ... It willl definitely make you laugh til stomach ache. LMAO* Have you been high today!?!?? I Love You Inside Me!!! *lol*




I kno I kno... too many youtube. Hahahaha* Can't help it... I keep gettin stupid youtube requests... LOL*

Stupid Japanese

This has got to be one of the stupidest game show I've seen done by the Japanese. It's freaking hilarious.



Imagine if we had to wear binoculars in clubs. Lol* I wonder what would happen when we start finding for chics. *pengsan laughin'

Two Beauties on Tube

Just the other day my colleague told me about some hot chick on youtube that I should go take a look singing covers for Jay Chou. Since I'm a fan of Jay's (kekeke*), I had to take a look at how well this girl realli look sing his song.

And omg... what a beautiful voice... I wanna be her guitar liao.

Jadeangel2757



Then I terbumped into another girl ... who so look like Vivien Chow going by the nick of Tinkerchel. One so beautiful voice, one so cute... aiyoyo .. behtahan liao!

Tinkerchel

Watch her sing this cover of Jay Chou's Maple ~枫~



sweat right? Wait... watch her sing Korean now.... (skip the part where she goes all dramatic at the beginning)

'Because I'm a girl' - Kiss



Ok... I'm a die hard fan now of Tinkerchel. I LOVE YOU GIRL!

in Alice's Wonderland

Clubbin' seems to have went up another level after CNY. I guess everyone that went back to kampung doing routine house visits, came back thirsting for partying and alcohol that made them go 'koo koo' when they came back to K'L city.

Big sista Alice whom just came back from Penang brought along her beautiful
'sisters', and who am I to say no. It is a crime if I did..

My only bad decision is dat I made one of the hottest girl in town my big sista. -_-" Nevertheless, that night I was in Wonderland.



'Alcohol' at last!



My valentine pun came out =P



Then came Saturday, where I was totally beat from the night before. Not expecting anything spectacular and like the saying goes...(my own saying lah *kekeke*) 'Velvet never lets me down..and always find a way to bring my little brotherme UP'

Some hot chick I met at SNL, and her name is Charlotte.



YES!! I REMEMBER ONE NAME!!

Koteki was also there in a sexy white gown. When I asked her to take a pic with me....this is what happened.

Me: Hey, come lets take pic
Koteki: Ok...NO NO NO NO!!! You gonna put in ur blog!
Me: -_-" Wahliu....

5 minutes later, with some sommersault kungfu' camera taking skill.... [sorry...photo have been replaced]



GOTCHA! *KEKEKEK* her 'eyes' so big desu ne!

[I know, that pic is not the pic I took. The photo have been taken off by request ... but Koteki is kind enough to replace it with a pic of her in bikini. Who am I to refuse that kinda offer =P]

Cutest girl of the Week


I think the picture is prove enuf... wahlao... so cute lei

My new friend

I just woke up after sleeping through Valentine's Day... and went online currently talking to Samantha.. a new friend whom I met on facebook randomly while playing poker.



Lol...no Valentine's date so I guess she is. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY SAMANTHA!

P/S: Actualli just wanna piss her off by posting her pics here =P

What happened when she saw this post?!



lol*

Lonely Valentine

Today is Valentine's day, where all the guys bring their girls to go makan makan, holding tangan and then cium cium den make babies later. Oh yah... also emptying their wallets at the same time. How sweet.



Although I would like to join in the marathon of making babies day, sadly.... that would have to wait. Coz why... no date. -_-"



My date kena rampas when I was drunk yesterday -_-"



Happy Valentines Day!!! $%#$@@#!

Notti Edison

I bet everyone already hear about the Edison case right? The player that humped so many celebrities til now he end up in trouble when his intimate photos with them got exposed all over. Apparently, he sent his computer to get fixed and that is how his photos are now being circulated. (Make note to self - don't send computer for fixing and back-up all the sexy, mouth-watering working documents.



Omg... to think that he humped so many leng luis make me wanna kick his butt be his friend. *kekekek* This guy reminds me of Quagmire of Family Guy.. *lol*



Ok... if up til now you guys don't know what I'm talking about... I'll try to tell you poetically =P

He had too many lubangs,
and play with too many long kangs,
now the media going bi-ling-ba-lang,
over Cecilia Cheung forest terkangkang,

I see the news oso I kesian,
all the leng luis kena rakam,
now his contract with Stephen Chow sudah terbang,
because everyone saw him kena goncang.

His photos now is the talk from JinJang to Subang,
all the hamsap lou sit down bincang bincang,
see the leng lui photos coz see wife sudah bosan,
all this thanks to hamsem boy Edison.

*lol*



Do I have the videos? No no... I really don't have it. Plus I won't do such a thing now would I?

Once upon a time there was a really notti famous boy in Hong Kong who did a lot of bad things .... and now the little notti boy in Hong Kong had to go in hiding... coz all ah mois that he did with now want to kill him.. =/

I also don't know lah... he did apologize to them la but I think....too late lah.

Hustling on CNY

As for many of you that are out there trying to make your fortune this festive season, please beware of ...cheaters *ekkkeke*





After watching these two videos by The Real Hustle, I think I'll be so paranoid in my next poker game. Whenever they fold their hands, talk crap, smoke, scratch their butt or dig their nose.... I'm going to suspect they are cheating. Wah liao!!! stresss*

But of all scams, it doesn't beat playing against a girl wearing like Jennifer Tilly in the next video...



If that is the case, all I can say is... good luck lah~ U win her... also you lose lah. *ekekke*

For those that don't play poker, just wear red underwear lah and pray kow kow! *lol*

GUCCI FAH CHAI!

GONG HEI FATT CHOI!!!!! So how is everyone's Chinese New Year.... so have you been running around collecting ang pow or running away each time you gotta give one? Hehhehe... Dun run so far coz I'm chasing you. Ang Pow Come Come!



This CNY I thought I would write something about the history on why we celebrate CNY and why we do certain things we do. Coz the truth is, I have no ting tong idea at all... kekeke*

So this is what I've found...

Among the Chinese, the Mandarin oranges are associated with good luck. During the Chinese New Year celebrations, Mandarin oranges are given to family and friends to usher in prosperity. Some of the essential oils obtained from the peel is used in the manufacture of perfumes, cologne and floral compounds.


I got a feeling it's gonna look like this...*kekeke*


Orange de Amour'e, 'extra sweet n natural' fragrance



According to legend, in ancient China, the Nián (年) was a man-eating beast from the mountains (in other versions from under the sea), which came out every 12 months somewhere close to winter to prey on humans. The people later believed that the Nian was sensitive to loud noises and the colour red, so they scared it away with explosions, fireworks and the liberal use of the colour red. These customs led to the first New Year celebrations. Guò nián (simplified Chinese: 过年; traditional Chinese: 過年), which means to celebrate the new year, literally means the passover of the Nian.

As for Yee Sang, it is a newly invented tradition only eaten in Singapore and Malaysia.




My guess is, one rojak man named Sek Yee Sang in K'L was not making enought money so he got this idea and then now he is enjoying his millions. *kekeke*

Ok lahh.....time to go back to gamblin!! wWoooooT!



to the ladies, gambatte for the many many LV bag to come if win.



Sorry ya, I could not afford a sexy model so my friend would have to do *ekekkeke*

Kissing Kungfu

I was surfing thru the internet and I terbump into this website called http://www.kissing.com/. This site apparently trying to sell this book called 'The art of kissing' that teaches people how to kiss properly. (Eh... I relli terbump into this website ok?



Anyways.... I find it really hilarious. Who knows, these stuff could be useful when you bring your date out to this romatico dinner outing and you both caught in that kinda moment =P. You don't want to be caught not knowin how to give her the kiss of the century. *kekeke*

Anyways....here are some of the content from the book/website..

Some techniques you'll learn on the DVD:
1. Flicker the tips of your tongues. (you know.. like a snake like dat *kekek*)
2. Rotate tongues in circular motions. (abit of mambo tongue action =P)
3. Play chase back & forth. (wah... like police and thief)
4. Suck your partner's tongue. (!?!...hahahh!)
5. Gently bite their tongue. (lol...sure don't wanna kiss the person learning this)

Here's a typical action you'll see in french kissing. The first drawing shows the boy's tongue pushing deep into the mouth of his partner.



Don't play play...got drawing somemore...*kakakak*

Notice the girl's tongue bending and moving under his. The second drawing shows the girl's tongue becoming more active and playing chase, following the boy's tongue back into his mouth.



But even these incredible diagrams don't tell the whole story! For that, you need the DVD (yah man...need to watch how they play police and thief with their tongue).

I think should be like this...

Girl Kisser : Hahhaha...*tongue attacks* gotcha!!

Boy Kisser: nuuu!!! My turn!!! *tongue goes kungfu speed sticking left and right* Wahhhcha!!

Our How to French Kiss videotape used to be the best way to learn how to french kiss but we just put the entire program on the new DVD together with the How to Kiss video and extras and outtakes, so now the best way to learn to french kiss is from the DVD. The DVD is entitled The Art of Kissing and it contains more than forty minutes of instruction on how to french kiss and teaches you like the book never could - by showing you. (awwrite!)

Lol... so what you guys are waiting for!!! ORDER NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!
It guarantees that it will...

1. Wake up the lover in you
2. Boost kissing confidence
3. Learn to french kiss in the privacy of your own home - simply by watching! (yah...you can try with your mirror, dog, shoes or the aunty staying next door.)
4. Imagine being able to get someone to give you a series of kissing lessons for the low price of this tape ... An exceptional value! (lol...super marketing)

After reading this website, it have given me inspiration to write my own version...



My one not only teaches you to play police and thief, I also teach you all the kissing kungfu, how to kiss and clean your partner's mouth at the same time, how to play kiss soccer, kiss karate and the secret kiss of power!! Kiss until your partner could never resist you and kiss until all the girls will come running to you like this...






Only RM 29.99 lah...come on! Ok la ...I free you 5 star DVD oso!!

Siao Char Boh

What do girls do during their free time?



Lol*